so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
