Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
