My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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