she looked like the before picture.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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