You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
