what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
