I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize