There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
