Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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