I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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