I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize