Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
