worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
