Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
