Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
