I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
