Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
