I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
