FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
