onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
