I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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