I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
