ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
