She's JV to your varsity
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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