The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
