I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
