to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize