May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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