sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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