You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
