quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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