I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
