I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
