Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
