i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
