oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I currently don't understand fingers.
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