You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize