it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
