i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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