you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
