She is in my trunk
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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