Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
