you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
