Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
