i already hear my dad disowning me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
