There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There r osticjed everywhere
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
