dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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