sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
