Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
50% drunk capacity currently
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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