some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
ok first of all what the fuck
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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