Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
