I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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