Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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