just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
