I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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