So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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