I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
