Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
