You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
