Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dignity is for republicans.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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