dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
