Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
