she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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