You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
