listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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