i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
