Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
